Local Artists Episode #1: Stephen T. Kennedy
There I sat, right next to the man himself. It was a quaint place, a little messy, but that’s not really important I guess. “He has the eyes of a madman!” I thought to myself, casually wondering if I would make it out alive. But I guess the life of an internet blogger will lead you down dangerous roads sometimes to get to the hard hitting stories. I decided to relax and was feeling good with a little whiskey when we got down to business. Here is what I learned…
So, Mr. Kennedy, if that is your real name, what is your biggest inspiration?
Books.
So you read a lot?
Not really, I’m illiterate.
Now your writing makes a lot more sense.
That’s what my mother said.
How do you go about writing a poem then?
Well, I open up a dictionary, point to a group of letters and then tell my pet monkey to write about them.
What’s your pet monkey’s name?
Brick.
Why is it Brick?
He’s a little dense.
Almost indecipherable
So I see you’re a fan of puns, what other literary devices do you like to use in your work?
I’m a really big fan of visual devices or interesting uses of punctuation/capitalization. Allusions are cool. Basically all of them, plus a few sex toys here and there.
Who’s your favorite author?
On Tuesdays it’s Phillip Pullman, Wednesdays E. E. Cummings, and every other day of the week L. E. Modesitt Jr.
Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
Learn the rules, and then try to break every one of them until you find what you like. And don’t invest in monkeys, they’re a lot of work.
Sounds like sound advice, did you ever get advice from someone that impacted you greatly?
Every day of my life, but I don’t listen to most of it. I would like to recognize one Mr. Davis, my Highschool Creative writing and A.P. English II teacher.
What are your plans for the future.
To Breathe. Also, I might do some writing.
Who is Altus Kalashnikov?
Altus is a dropout from the University I now attend. He’s kind of a crazy guy, but good to have a drink with. I hear he left and got his Ph.D. in some field or other. Don’t really know him too well, we don’t talk much.
Do you have any traditions you follow when you’re writing?
I’m not sure I understand the question. Are you asking if I circle the desk three times and pee with one leg up before sitting down to write, or do you mean literary traditions like Faulkner and Twain?
Like the peeing on the desk.
No, I kind of just wing that. It depends on how much whiskey I’ve had beforehand.
Obviously the ravings of a lunatic
Does alcohol play a large part in the creation of your work?
No larger a part than it plays in our society.
Do you confirm or deny the rumors spread about you?
Yes.
You’ve said in your work that you’re a liar and you’re not to be trusted, so how can I take anything you’re saying at face value?
When I was very young, I decided I wanted to tell tall tales about myself. Did you know I’m eight feet tall now?
Classy
Do you have any other hobbies besides writing?
Yes but they couldn’t be here today.
Do you have any concluding thoughts you’d like our readers to know?
Trust this man, he’s going places. Swear to god. See you later Scranton.
Thus concluded my interview with Mr. Kennedy. He promptly stood up and lit a cigarette, kicking the door open and storming out. “What a strange person,” I once again thought to myself. That’s when I noticed the little scrap of paper he left behind. I looked at it and it read, “Martin is watching you. Don’t pick your nose.” And that pretty much cemented it.
Cheers,
-Scranton
